whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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