Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
