How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
