I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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