Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
