I can tuck mytits in my pants
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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