peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
