I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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