Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
