So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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