Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
