I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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