woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
