sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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