As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
