i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
