i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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