so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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