You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
