It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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