just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
