so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
