Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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