He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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