just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like a drive thru vagina
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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