whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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