But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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