mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize