So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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