Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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