remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
