even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
