you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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