i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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