Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.