No, drunk sperm still make babies.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize