I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...