I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest