cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.