Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

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(720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont

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(904): View more from Florida

We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese

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(904): We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese http://tfl.nu/clhz

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(248): View more from Michigan

Public safety found my id!

(248): View more from Michigan

And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.

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(248): Public safety found my id! (248): And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had. http://tfl.nu/apb6

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..

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(405): I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/0ol0

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

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(610): I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/9amw

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(850): View more from Florida

All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.

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(850): All of my current injuries can be related back to sex. http://tfl.nu/ncc6

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

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(267): Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented". http://tfl.nu/soll

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(862): View more from New Jersey

It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.

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(862): It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy. http://tfl.nu/1k8y

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(619): View more from California

I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.

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(619): I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome. http://tfl.nu/x3tk

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.

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(501): Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend. http://tfl.nu/du0y

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(214): View more from Texas

I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship

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(214): I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship http://tfl.nu/dbjp

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(352): View more from Florida

I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...

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(352): I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection... http://tfl.nu/jbgn

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(518): View more from New York

And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window

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(518): And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window http://tfl.nu/vqxj

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.

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(202): Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there. http://tfl.nu/rixv

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(727): View more from Florida

I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle

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(727): I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle http://tfl.nu/ptdk

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