DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't turn off my feet"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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