I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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