I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
