I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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