friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
