Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
