so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
