just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
