Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
