If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
