I wanna bring you to show and tell
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
