i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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