I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
