I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
