Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
