After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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