you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
