i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
