Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
