I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
