I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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