Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
