I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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