you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
