My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
