If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
