My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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