you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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