dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
