I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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