I wish I could teleport
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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