you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
